May 28, 2016. The day I decided to end my 46 year battle with disordered eating. On that sunny day in May, I put down the gauntlet and ceased my war. I could not injure myself with food for one more day, for one more hour, for one more minute.
I needed to begin feeling everything I had stopped feeling since I was fourteen years old, when I accidentally found that by eating six pieces of Wonder Bread my inner howling child was finally quieted.
A few years ago I saw an ad for a new jean company called re/done. They repurpose old Levi’s using the original denim and update the jeans to make them contemporary. Immediately I knew I must have a pair.
Unfortunately, when I went on their website the women’s sizes stopped at size 34, and I was at least a size 38. I thought perhaps I could get a size 38 in men’s, but I hesitated because men’s jeans would not fit my very female zaftig body, so I put my dream of owning a pair of re/done jeans on hold.
Last year on my birthday I thought I would revisit the re/done website. I had lost over twenty pounds since May 2016 and had recently worn my friend’s size fourteen jeans, so I went online and ordered my own pair of re/done’s. The day they came I was so excited, I literally tore off the wrapping and tried them on right away. Merde! They did not fit! They were too big! I was both deeply happy and deeply disturbed.
Not one to give up easily, I sent them back, waited two months and got another pair in size 32. These too were big, but I was not about to send them back. I brought them to a tailor that came highly recommended but he just couldn’t get the fit right. Another lesbian lass would have given up at that point but not me, I persist! I needed to see this saga to it’s proper fruition, so this past February I went to a store that stocked re/done jeans here in Montréal. I fit into a size 28! All those miles of walking my puppy had paid off! Unfortunately the jeans they had were twice the price of the website, so I left the store and began the ordering online process again.
Today my re/done jeans arrived. I was so apprehensive about the jeans not fitting properly that I waited until the cover of darkness to try them on. Guess what, they fit! Hurray for me!! I’m so proud of all I’ve accomplished.
When I began I couldn’t walk more than half a mile before becoming exhausted now I can walk 4-6 miles. I eat two fairly large meals a day, and I remember to never feel let myself feel deprived.
This year has been a difficult one on so many levels but today I’m here, standing in my power and feeling glorious!!
Life is hard. Life is easy. Life is painful. Life is glorious. Life can punch you hard in your stomach. Life can kiss you gently on your cheek.
Life is a Ferris Wheel.
Enjoy the view when you’re at the top. Hang on tightly when you’re on the bottom. Understand the only constant in life is change. Keep breathing. Keep singing.
Hug your beloved. Hug your dog. Hug yourself.