this is the place where i rest

learning how

to stop

binging

obsessing

freefalling

has been a challenge

for me

beginning with

my arrival, where

no body was

there to soften

my fall, so I

fell

into food

and boys

and then

girls

always looking for comfort

always looking

for faster and faster

ways to

stop feeding

my pain

waiting on

the tracks

for the

one train

with faulty brakes

to break me

into ten million

little pieces,

finally feeling

no thing

at all.

 

i knew

that marrying this man

was a sin

against myself

but i

so desperate for a

tribe of little

me’s and

my family’s praise

failed to hear

my timorous

voice that said

“no no no.”

 

this time around

i will let myself

fall

only when

when i trust

myself enough

to know

that i can

safely release

into her

embrace.

 

saying yes

to the kindness

and no

to the harshness

breathing in

breathing out

embracing myself

over and over

and

over again.

 

k.a.l.

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