thefatjewess

my forays through love and other gastronomical stories

The Lesbian Chronicles 50: begin again — December 27, 2016

The Lesbian Chronicles 50: begin again

begin again

 

open

close

walk

talk

swirl

twirl

unfurl

laugh

cry

decide

deny

live

love

indulge

divulge

masturbate

collaborate

cocoon

spoon

swoon

surrender

support

envelop

develop

dance

entrance

reach

preach

illuminate

ruminate

elevate

celebrate

inhale

exhale

begin again.

 

k.a.l

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The Lesbian Chronicles 49: Happy Birthday Dad! — December 11, 2016

The Lesbian Chronicles 49: Happy Birthday Dad!

Today would have been my Dad’s 90th birthday. He died 19 years ago; still I can not believe that he is gone from this earth. My Dad was brilliant,  graduating from McGill University not only as the youngest ever engineering student; but a Jewish one back in the day where Jewish students were restricted.

My Dad loved good food, good clothes and me. He was a terrific raconteur, and loved nothing better than to hold court telling a long convoluted joke that delivered a great punch line. In his honour I am sharing this joke with you. Happy Birthday Daddy, there will never be another you.

 

A woman went to the only hairdresser in town to get her hair styled for a vacation trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who was of Italian descent. “Rome? Why you go there? He responded.” It’s crowded and dirty. Full of tourists. So, how are you getting there?”

“We’re flying US Airways,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!”

“US Airways!” exclaimed the hairdresser. “Too bad. That’s the worst airline. Always late. You should have asked me first. I’m always flying to Italy. So where are you staying in Rome?”

“We’ll be at this little place over on the Tiber River called Teste.”

“Oh, I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump.” You should not stay in Rome, and you should not visit the touristy things there.”

“But we want to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope!”   Exclaimed the woman

“You and and thousands of other people. He’ll look the size of an ant. Watch out you don’t get your pocket picked in the crowd.” Said the hairdresser

A month later, the woman comes back to the beauty parlor. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome. “It was wonderful,” explained the woman “not only were we on time in one of US Airways brand new planes, but the tourist class was overbooked, so they put us in first class. And the hotel was great! They too were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us a suite for the price of a room!” “Well” muttered the hairdresser “I’m happy for your good luck, but I was right it was a waste of time to try to see the Pope, wasn’t it?”

“Actually, we had a wonderful experience at the Vatican, too. A Swiss Guard tapped my husband on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet visitors, and if we’d like to step into anteroom of his quarters and wait, we would get a brief audience with the Pope. We did and five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and blessed us! He even talked to us a little.”

“Oh, really! What’d he say?”
He said, “Who fucked up your hair?”

The Lesbian Chronicles 47: even now — December 4, 2016

The Lesbian Chronicles 47: even now


even now
3 a.m
can’t sleep
crying so hard
my pillow has
no dry side.
i read again
mary oliver’s poem
‘wild geese’
that rests permanently
on my
nightable.

‘you do not
have to be good’
writes mary

i try to convince
my young
inconsolable self
that this might be true
but she
disagrees
insisting that our badness
is what drove jane
away last christmas
taking the dog along
with her now
broken promise
of a lifetime of
protection.

“i just want to feel
safe” she whispered
out loud to no one
staring at the ceiling
praying to the stain
in the grain of the wood
that looks like jesus.

k.a.l

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