I was so happy to be home alone for the evening. I had my warm almond milk, my Dad’s cookies and was getting ready to settle in for a night of Reality Television, beginning with my favourite show, The Voice.
But wait!! Did I hear bells? Yes I heard bells and they were not coming from my television, nor from the St. Leon church located directly across the street.
I began looking around my mother’s apartment, thinking perhaps her smoke alarm might be faulty, but just as I was about to look for a step ladder, I heard a disembodied voice come through the wall mounted speaker, “Stay calm, and please evacuate the building.”
Really!! Really!! On my one night sans Maman??
Fine!! I grabbed my jacket, my dog, and my IPhone (never leave home without it!) and at the last minute, my vintage Louis Vuitton bag, the last vestige of my previous Princess life.
I stepped out of the apartment, and wandered the halls looking for the stairs, as panic began to set in.
“What if there really is a fire/emergency? What if some toxic gas was released and even as I try to find the exit, we are slowly being asphyxiated?” I said to Lucille, who wagged her tail in affirmation of my crazy.
I finally found the exit and started to walk down the eight flights of stairs along with the other D.O.J’s (Decrepit Old Jews). The average age of the building is 85, so as we trudged slowly down the stairs , a woman on the stairs directly in back of me told me that she left her husband on the rooftop, because she couldn’t take him with her!
Of course my barkalicious dog Lucille, didn’t stop barking all the way down since spotting a dog immediately as we entered the stairwell. Selma, ( because now we’re old friends) kept yelling at me “Pick your dog up, pick your dog up! Don’t you see she’s scared??” No Selma, I did not see her being afraid, I saw my five pound dog attempting to take on a Doberman. Oy.
Finally, we reached the lobby, admist the hordes of the aged and infirm, when I made the executive decision to go outside. Once out I immediately spotted my mother’s neighbour Nelson, who had the brilliant idea to get some tea.
So there we three were,outside at Starbucks, sipping spearmint tea and waiting for the end of the world.