I’m lying on my couch with a bag of frozen beans (organic, of course!) placed strategically on top of my right knee ( more on that later) and wondering why on this perfect Spring evening that I am without my Beloved, still.

After all this time and all the therapy (hours of talking, Rolfing, breathing) all the wishing (on four leaf clovers, on falling stars, on the magic 8 ball) and still– She is not here. Perhaps it’s that I cheated with the four leaf clover, it was really a three leaf clover that I superglued with a separate clover. ( My fingers as well, Renaissance woman I am not)

Now about this folklore of when you are least expecting, or not looking ‘she’ will appear–well, I take umbrage with that particular story because:

  1. I am a Libra and we Libra chickies are never quite happy unless we are in love.
  2. I am a Romantic. (Perhaps 2 should be an addendum to 1.)
  3. I am desperate (see 1) but also extremely picky and picky trumps desperate every time.

Which brings me back to tonight and why I have a bag of frozen veggies on my knee. Lucille, my spritely puppy and I were in the park today for a long long time. She is new, I on the other hand, am not. But we both love being in nature and both went a little overboard today. (She is lying next to me as I write this blog, conked out)

So I guess I will take a lavender and Epsom salt bath, and listen to some old slow jazz and just be grateful for what I do have – my daughter, my puppy, my best friend who love me even so, and send my wish for love up to the stars.