I’m lying on my couch with a bag of frozen organic vegetables placed strategically on top of my left knee ( more on that later) and wondering why , on this perfect Spring evening that I am without my Beloved , still. Like; really? After all this time and all the therapy ( hours of talking, rolfing, breathing) , all the wishing ( on four leaf clovers, on falling stars , on the magic 8 ball) and still.. She is not here. Maybe it’s because I cheated on the four leaf clover, it was really a three leaf clover that I superglued with a separate clover ( and my fingers as well, renaissance woman I am not).

And about this folklore of when you are least expecting, or not looking “she” will appear.. Well, I take umbrage with that particular story because 1. I am a Libra and us Libra chickies are never quite happy unless we are in love , and 2. I am a Romantic. ( perhaps 2 should be an addendum to 1.) As well, I am desperate (see 1) but also extremely picky and picky trumps desperate every time. Which brings me back to tonight and why I have a bag of frozen veggies on my knee. Lucille, my new spritely puppy and I were in the park today for a long long time. She is new, I on the other hand, am not. But we both love being in nature and both went a little overboard today, (she is lying next to me conked out).

So I guess I will take a lavender and epsom salt bath, and listen to some old slow jazz and just be grateful for what I do have – my two daughters, my puppy, my friends who love me even so, and send my wish for love up to the stars.